KEY
| A | B |
| to turn up | to appear |
| row au | quarrel |
| to rule out all conflict | to manage conflict |
| learnable skill | something that you can learn |
| the required level of proficiency | necessary amount of knowledge |
| to head for trouble | to be likely to quarrel |
| to make a marriage work | to have a successful marriage |
| to face a challenge | to take up the glove — принятьвызов |
| entrenched conflict | long-standing conflict |
| conflict avoiders | those who avoid conflict resolution |
| unequivocal [`ani'kwivek(e)l] | unambiguous |
| to earn after | to crave for |
Choose from the texts above what you can do
| to resolve conflict? | to aggravate conflict? |
| rule out all conflict | let conflict rage |
4. Finish the sentence giving each time a new recommendation from the text EIGHT SECRETS OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION and HOW DO YOU FIGHT?:
To resolve conflict:
| Don’t | Do |
| make an emotion-laden comment that is totally unrelated to the subject at hand. | Recognize marriage as a “we” business. |
& Reading 8
TEXT FOUR
WHAT’S WRONG WITH MARRYING FOR LOVE?
Falling in love is the expected and proper prelude to marriage. (9) As presently interpreted, this means that you marry for love and that you work at it after marriage. A successful marriage is the final realization of a romantic attraction.
(1) A good marriage is one that contributes freely and fully to personality development; a poor marriage is one that hinders it. (2) Getting married is primarily a romantic adventure with an emphasis upon individual rights and freedom from parental control, rather than a carefully reasoned choice involving a prudent weighing of other factors important for a lifelong union. Passionate attachment and anticipated happiness outweigh such considerations as companionship, cultural similarities and common social experience. We proudly announce that (2) we no longer marry for convenience, to promote a career or to please our families but to establish a personally desirable relationship that is voluntary, rests on personal choice, and aims at individual happiness and personality development.
Ro`mance is beautiful. Wonderful.But as the primary basis for selection of matrimonial mates?On which to build a lifelong union? Many things must be considered. This is the verdict of other centuries. Young people need the counsel of their elders.
(3) Parents do know something about the nature and needs of their own children. They can judge their mates through the eyes of their greater age and experience. And they do seek the happiness of their children.
Does modern research throw any light on the validity of romance as a basis for mate selection? What are the findings of recent studies of marital problems? (4) Romance according to some researchers is a process of fantasy formation, usually adolescent [edou`lesnt] юношеский, подростковый when one idealizes another person, ignoring the faults and magnifying the virtues of the loved one. (5) After marriage there is usually an emotional return to reality. Other students of the problem see it as a striving for emotional security, so lacking in casual relations of our everyday life.
Whatever the facts may be in each of these interpretations, it should be noted that (6) all see romantic love as some form of compensating emotion, personally satisfying, idealizing someone else but unrelated to reality.
(8) Studies of marital failure and success show quite clearly that the longer the period of acquaintance before marriage, the greater the chances of marital success.
Perhaps most essential is the importance of similarity of social background for marital success. This means that like should marry like. "Marriage," writes a well-known family sociologist, "involves living with a person, not merely loving him." It is this prosaic fact that places romantic love in its proper proportions as a basis for marriage. (7) Romance must be termed the prelude to the more sober and realistic consideration of a mate, but romance alone is not enough.
From Charm
Answer the questions:
1. How does marriage influence a personality?
2. Is marriage to be regarded as a carefully reasoned choice of a matrimonial mate? Do people marry to promote their careers nowadays? What does marriage rest on today?
3. Why does the narrator think that young people need their parents' counsel to select their matrimonial mate?
4. What are the findings of modern research of romance and marital problems?
5. Do people live in a fool's paradise after marriage?
6. Is romantic love based on reality?
7. What is romantic love as the author himself sees it?
8. Which is more reliable according to the studies of marital problems: marriages based on romantic attraction or on similarity of social background?
9. What does the author mean by "the proper prelude to marriage"?
Vocabulary work
FEELING (n) EMOTION (n) PASSION (n) SENTIMENT (n)
FEELING refers to any of subjunctive reactions, pleasurable or unpleasurable, that one may have to a situation and usually connotes = denotes an absence of reasoning, eg. I can't trust my feelings.
EMOTION implies a strong feeling with physical as well as mental manifestations. It is difficult to control, eg. Her breast heaved with emotion.
PASSION refers to a strong, deeply felt, overpowering emotion, connoting especially sexual love and intense anger, a strong belief in an idea or principle, eg. No passion so effectually robs the mind of all its powers of acting and reasoning as fear.
SENTIMENT applies to a feeling, often a tender one, accompanied by some thought or reasoning, eg. She disliked him. And he returned the sentiment.
PASSIONATE (adj) ARDENT (adf) FERVENT (adf) IMPASSIONED (adj)
PASSIONATE means having or ruled by a violent emotion (with little thought) of impetuous пылкий, бурный kind; especially about what is right or wrong; used about a very strong romantic or sexual feelings. It characterizes people, as well as their words, glances, etc., eg. a passionate lover; a passionate defender of liberty; a. passionate rage; a. passionate argument; a passionate loyalty.
ARDENT (a formal word) suggests a fiery пылкий or glowing = fiery eagerness, devotion, a keen interest; a feeling about something or believing in something very strongly and sincerely. It usually characterizes people's behaviour, eg. ardent worker for the party; an ardent pursuit of knowledge; an ardent admirer; an ardent supporter.
FERVENT means admiring, or believing in something extremely strongly and sincerely; enthusiastic about something. It differs from passionate and ardent in often suggesting a deep but inexplosive feeling that is not necessarily displayed, eg. a fervent prayer; (a) fervent devotion; a fervent hope; a fervent desire.
IMPASSIONED (used in journalism and in written English) means animated with passion and suggests an expression of emotion that is deeply and sincerely felt, eg. an impassioned speaker; an impassioned plea for tolerance; impassioned glances; impassioned lines of poetry; impassioned oratory.
4 Do the following exercises
1. Feeling, emotion, passion, or sentiment?
KEY
1. Feeling, emotion, passion, or sentiment?
1. What feeling, emotion cannot music raise and quell подавлять, успокаивать?
2. The utter death of every tender ___ in his wife, as brought home to him by this mute and undesigned evidence of her sale of his portrait and gift, was the conclusive little stroke required to demolish разрушать all sentiment in him.
3. The feelings, emotions in him were so violent and so mixed that he dared not move — resentment злоба, негодование, despair, and yet a strange yearning for the comfort of her hand on his forehead.
4. By the time you say you're his,
Shivering and sighing
And he vows his passion is
`Infinite бесконечный, undying -
Lady make a note of this:
One of you is lying.
5. A classic lecture, rich in, emotion
With scraps of thunderous epic lilted петьживо, весело out
By violet-hooded Doctors, elegies
And quoted odes, and jewels five-words-long, -
That on the stretched forefinger of all Time Sparkle for ever.
6. His second marriage had turned out a cool affair.... He had known but one real passion in his life — for that first wife of his — Irene.
7. His father's mask had been forced awry [e`rai] искаженный by the feeling of the meeting, so that the boy suddenly realized how much he must have felt their absence.
8. John worshipped his mother; and knew nothing of the tragedies, the inexorable неумолимый necessities of life, nothing of the prisoned grief in an unhappy marriage — nothing of jealousy or passion — knew nothing at all, as yet!
9. The true meaning of religion is thus not simply morality, but morality touched by emotion,sentiment.
10. The great secret of Stendhal, his great shrewdness, consisted in writing at once... thought charged with feeling, emotion, passion, or sentiment.
11. In her first passion woman loves her lover,
In all the others all she loves is love.
2. Passionate, ardent, fervent, or impassioned?
KEY
1.1 think you good, gifted, lovely: a fervent solemn passion is conceived in my heart.
2. You have never loved me as I love you — never — never! Yours is not a ardent heart — your heart does not burn in a flame!
3. When to defend his affection tooth or nail, to persist with headlong бурный, безудержный force in fervent attentions to her, was all he thought of, he was condemned ipso [ou] facto [ou] в силусамогофакта as a professor of the accepted school of morals.
4. His long lashes, dark brows, and curly black hair and beard against the white pillow, completed the physiognomy [`fizi'onemi] of one whom Arabella, as a woman of rank буйный passions, still felt it worth while to recapture, highly important to recapture as a woman straitened both in means and in reputation. Her fervent gaze seemed to affect him; his quick breathing suspended, and he opened his eyes.
5. As a boy he had a fervent private religion.
6. Both children were ardent concert-goers.
7. Would you not be happier if you tried to forget her severity, together with the fervent emotions it excited?
8. You should try to be useful and pleasant, then perhaps, you would have a home here; but if you become passionate and rude, Missis will send you away, I am sure.
9. He would not conceal from her that passionate love had little to do with his communication.
3. Complete these sentences using suitable words and expressions from the text:
KEY
1. A successful marriage is the final realization of a romantic attraction.
2. A successful marriage contributes freely and fully to personality development.
3. A successful marriage is a romantic adventure withan emphasis on individual rights and freedom from parental control.
4. A successful marriage involves a prudent weighing of other factors important for a lifelong union.
5. A successful marriage is built upon more comradely attachment and anticipated happiness.
6. The longer the period of acquaintance before marriages the greater the chances of marital success.
7. Marriages based on romantic attraction do not turn out as well as carefully reasoned choice involving a prudent weighing of other factors important for a lifelong union.
8. Romance must be termed the prelude to the more sober and realistic consideration of a mate.
9. Romance is a process of fantasy formation, usually adolescent when one idealizes another person, ignoring the faults and magnifying the virtues of the loved one.
10. Romance is a striving for emotional security.
11. Passionate attachment and anticipated happiness outweigh such considerations as companionship, cultural similarities and common social experience.
12. We marry to establish a personally desirable relationship that is voluntary, rests on personal choice, and aims at individual happiness and personality development.
13. Marriage is aimed at living with a person, not merely loving him.
4. Answer the questions:
1. Which husband (wife) would you like to have: one who is
(a) a passionate defender of liberty?
(b) passionate by nature?
(c) a passionate lover?
(d) passionately fond of tennis?
2. When getting married, do you anticipate
(a) romantic dinners for two?
(b) all your matrimonial mate's needs?
(c) matrimonial troubles?
(d) emotional security?
3. Would you prefer your mate's
(a) filial сыновний, дочерний affection?
(b) comradely affection?
(c) warm affection?
(d) deep affection?
4. Do you need
(a) parental control?
(b) parental care?
(c) parental consent to your marriage?
(d) parental anxieties?
5. Which would you like to do:
(a) to join the union?
(b) to break up the union?
(c) to go into the union?
(d) to form a union of hearts?