What Do Parents Owe Their Children?
By Ann Landers
If I had to select a word that best describes the majority of American parents that word would be guilt-ridden. It's often sad to see parents becoming the willing victims of the "give-me-game" only to discover that, no matter what they do, it's not enough. Finally they are despised for the lack of firmness and blamed when their children get into trouble. With this in mind I’ll try to answer the question: "What do parents owe their children?", but I'll start with what they don't owe them.
Parents don't owe their children every minute of their day and every ounce of their energy. They don't owe them round-the-clock car service, singing lessons, tennis lessons, expensive bicycles, a motorcycle or a car when they reach sixteen, or a trip to Europe when they graduate.
I take the firm position that parents don't owe their children a college education. If they can afford it, fine: they can certainly send them to the best universities. But they mustn't feel guilty if they can't. If the children really want to study, they'll find a way. There are plenty of loans and scholarships for the bright and eager who can't afford to pay.
After children marry, their parents don't owe to buy a house for them or give money for the furniture. They don't have an obligation to baby-sit or to take their grandchildren in their home when the parents are on vacation. If they want to do it, it must be considered as a favor, not an obligation.
In my opinion, parents don't owe their children an inheritance, no matter how much money they have. One of the surest ways to produce a loafer is to let children know that their future is assured.
Do parents owe their children anything? Yes, they owe them a great deal.
One of their chief obligations is to give their children a sense of personal worth, because self-esteem is the basis of a good mental health. A youngster who is constantly made to feel stupid, constantly compared to brighter brothers, sisters or cousins, will become so unsure, so afraid of failing, that he (or she) won't try at all. Of course, they should be corrected when they do wrong — this is the way children learn. But the criticism should be balanced with praises, preferably with a smile and a kiss. No child is ever too old to be hugged.
Parents owe their children firm guidance and consistent discipline. It's frightening for a youngster to feel that he is in charge of himself; it's like being in a car without brakes.
Parents owe their children some religious training. The fact that so many strange cults are enjoying such success is proof that children feel the need for something spiritual in their life.
Parents owe their children a comfortable feeling about their body, and enough information about sex to balance the misinformation that they will certainly get from their friends.
Parents owe their children privacy and respect for their personal belongings. This means not borrowing things without permission, not reading diaries and mail, not looking through purses, pockets and drawers. If a mother feels that she must read her daughter's diary to know what is going on, the communication between them must be pretty bad.
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Parents owe their children a set of solid values around which to build their lives. This means teaching them to respect the rights and opinions of others; it means being respectful to elders, to teachers and to the law. The best way to teach such values is by example. A child who is lied to will lie. A child who sees his parents steal tools from the factory or towels from a hotel will think that it's all right to steal.
No child asks to be born. If you bring a life into the world, you owe the child something. And if you give him his due, he’ll have something of value to pass along to your grandchildren.
WORKSHEETS
1. Find the English equivalents of the following words and word combinations in the text:
1) добровольная жертва ______________________
2) что бы они ни делали _____________________________
3) недостаток твердости ___________________
4) попасть в неприятности ________________________
5) быть должным (кому-то) __________________________
6) круглосуточное обслуживание ________________________
7) они могут себе это позволить __________________________
8) бездельник / тунеядец _________________________
9) тормоза _________________
10) чувствовать себя виноватым _____________________
11) иметь обязанность ________________________
12) наследство _____________________
13) их будущее обеспечено __________________________
14) найти способ ____________________________
15) предпочтительно ________________________
16) похвала _______________________
17) испытывать /чувствовать нужду в чем-л. _______________________________
18) дневник ______________________
19) неприкосновенность личной жизни _________________________________
20) ценности __________________
21) по примеру ____________________
22) без разрешения ______________________
23) уважать права и мнения других _____________________________________
24) самоуважение ________________________________
Match the word / word expression to its definition / explanation.
| 1. I have enough money to buy it | a) praise |
| 2. a device for slowing or stopping a moving vehicle | b) diary |
| 3. tell somebody that what they did is very good | c) values |
| 4. principles or standards of behaviour | d) by example |
| 5. a person who avoids work and spends their time | e) preferably |
| 6. showing by your own behavior what to do | f) inheritance |
| 7. a book in which one keeps a daily record of events and experiences | g) loafer |
| 8. not enough | h) brakes |
| 9. with more desire | i) willing victim |
| 10. a moral duty to do something | j) lack |
| 11. 24-hour service | k) self-esteem |
| 12. money or property which you receive from someone who has died | l) obligation |
| 13. how you feel about yourself | m) round-the-clock service |
| 14. have an obligation to pay or repay (something, especially money) in return for something received | n) I can afford it. |
| 15. whatever they do | o) get into trouble |
| 16. someone who has suffered of their own free will as a result of someone else's actions | p) owe |
| 17. to get into a bad or dangerous situation | q) no matter what they do |
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Matching game
| I have enough money to buy it | praise |
| a device for slowing or stopping a moving vehicle | diary |
| tell somebody that what they did is very good | values |
| principles or standards of behaviour | by example |
| a person who avoids work and spends their time | preferably |
| showing by your own behavior what to do | inheritance |
| a book in which one keeps a daily record of events and experiences | loafer |
| not enough | brakes |
| with more desire | willing victim |
| a moral duty to do something | lack |
| 24-hour service | self-esteem |
| money or property which you receive from someone who has died | obligation |
| how you feel about yourself | round-the-clock service |
| have an obligation to pay or repay (something, especially money) in return for something received | I can afford it. |
| whatever they do | get into trouble |
| someone who has suffered of their own free will as a result of someone else's actions | owe |
| to get into a bad or dangerous situation | no matter what they do |
Teacher’s notes:
1) Cut the table into separate cards. Shuffle them all together.
2) Distribute the cards among your students evenly. The odd cards will go to you. E.g. if you have 10 students in a group, each will have 3 cards, and you will have 4. If you have too many students, divide them into sub-groups and prepare the corresponding numbers of cards sets.
3) The purpose of the game is to find the definition for all your words / word expressions. To do that the students mingle with the group-mates asking questions, e.g. Do you have the definition for ‘inheritance’? If a particular student has this definition, they don’t just give it away, they have to receive some card in exchange. For example, two students are talking. They have the following cards;
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| Student 1 | Student 2 |
| have an obligation to pay or repay (something, especially money) in return for something received | owe |
| to get into a bad or dangerous situation | inheritance |
| 24-hour service | someone who has suffered of their own free will as a result of someone else's actions |
We see that Student 1 has a definition card (‘have an obligation to pay or repay (something, especially money) in return for something received’) for Student 2’s word ‘owe’. But Student 2 has nothing that might interest Student 1. In this case Student 2 decides which of the two remaining card to give away – either ‘inheritance’ or ‘someone who has suffered of their own free will as a result of someone else's actions’.
4) Since you also have some cards, students may also turn to you with the same question (Do you have the definition for ‘…’?) If you have the necessary definition, you just give it away without trading.
5) The winner is the student who is the first to collect as many pairs (word / word expression – its definition) as they originally had cards on their hands.