1. He can't hear anything. He's as deaf as a _________. stone tree snake post
2. Usually my daughter is very naughty at school but this week the teachers say she's been as good as _________. an angel gold a saint a diamond
3. My grandfather had a heart attack five years ago but he gave up smoking and started exercising and now he's as fit as __________. a fiddle an athlete an ox a firefighter
4. Investing in the stock market is risky but if you put your money in a high interest account it's as safe as __________. your hands a church banks houses
5. I'm driving so I won't have any alcohol. I'll be as sober as a __________ all night. lord judge policeman crystal
6. He's very kind and good-looking but he's as thick as ___________. I can't marry someone so stupid! a brick a piece of wood two short planks timber
How to be British
The Mighty Spud
The cornerstone of our national cuisine is of course the potato. A true Brit will have nothing to do with pasta or noodles and will only eat rice if it's in a sweet and creamy rice pudding.
It's been said (by other nations, of course) that we Britons resemble our national vegetable in that we are thick-skinned, white-fleshed, cheap, and usually found covered in dirt. Such insults are not even worth refuting. The fact is that most of us would be flattered to be compared to the world's greatest vegetable. Unpretentious, wholesome, versatile and full of goodness. Whether it is chopped and used raw in salads or boiled until it dissolves into the water, cut into chunky pointed chips or eaten baked in its jacket stuffed with Cheddar cheese and pickle, the potato never lets you down. Incidentally, recent scientific research has shown that potatoes, if eaten in large quantities, have an aphrodisiac effect - which goes some way to explaining our true Brit's reputation as an ardent and tireless lover!
Expressions to learn
Chips, mash or jacket? All three, please!
Avoid saying
Haven't you got tagliatelle?
Fish and Chips
— or rather, "fish'n'chips" — is another essential experience for the visitor. Britain is an island and eating fish reminds us of our practical and spiritual dependence on the sea. The chips symbolise our people: no two chips are the same, but we are united because we are all cut from the same bag of potatoes, all deep-fried in the same oil.
A fish and chip supper is the oldest fast food take-away in Britain, perhaps in the world. The visitor should ask for cod or haddock, the fish of choice for any true Brit. (Also he should hurry up as these species are practically extinct.) The fish comes dipped in batter, a mixture of flour, egg and milk. When it is dropped into the hot fat the batter acts as a sponge absorbing the maximum amount of fat and so making it nice and juicy. A traditional fish fryer will wrap your order in yesterday's newspaper. Before wrapping, he will ask: "Salt and vinegar?" to which you should reply "Yes, please!"
This supper should be eaten almost immediately, with the fingers, walking along the street, preferably in the dark, and with a light drizzle falling. Do NOT take the fish & chips home, empty them onto a plate and eat them with cutlery. This is not the British way.
Expressions to learn
Frying tonight!
Avoid saying
Vinegar? Yuk!
Enjoy Your Meal!
For generations envious foreigners have made fun of our eating habits and our table language (or lack of it). The fact is that Britain has one of the greatest cuisines in the United Kingdom. There's our famous "full" English breakfast of bacon, eggs, sausages, grilled tomatoes, fried mushrooms, fried bread, baked beans, black pudding, kippers and porridge. Furthermore, we boast a wonderful range of national and local specialities, such as Lancashire Hotpot, Yorkshire Pudding, Bubble& Squeak, Shepherd's Pie, Spotted Dick, and Tinned Pears with Evaporated Milk. Sadly, most visitors to this island never try these ʹ delicacies but huddle together in continental-style cafes or fast food outlets eating pizza, tapas, kebab, noodles and all kinds of peculiar foreign imports.
It seems silly, doesn't it, to go to another country and not to sample its own native cuisine. (This is why the true Brit sensibly stays at home for his holidays!)
Expressions to learn
Fish fingers - yum!
Don't stint on the gravy!
Avoid saying
Good appetite!
What's in these sausages, then?
Heavenly Hosts
Millions of visitors to Britain have discovered that by far the best way to get inside the host culture, and incidentally to brush up their English Language, is to stay as paying guests with a British family. Hotels may be quieter and more comfortable, but they shield visitors from the realities of life here. It's only by plunging into the hurly burly of family life - the race for the bathroom each morning, the fight for the cornflakes, the struggle for control of the TV remote control, the heated debates over the washing up (with the phone ringing, the dog barking and the milk on the stove boiling over) - that the visitor appreciates us for what we are. So it is that, every year, in search of this real Britain, overseas students come here and "live the language" in a way they never could back home - hoovering the stairs, digging the garden, holding the baby or just sitting round the dinner table discussing the latest episode of Coronation Street with their British 'hostmother' and 'hostfather'.
Invariably, the experience leaves a deep impression that remains with them for the rest of their lives!
Expressions to learn
You sit down, Mrs. Jones, I'll do the housework today.
Avoid saying
There are no tea and coffee making facilities in my room.
Pets
The True Brit knows that her dog, cat, budgerigar, hamster, or even her goldfish, is more likely to prove loyal, affectionate and easy to talk to than the majority of human beings.
In Britain the phrase "It's a dog's life" is an expression of envy. Go into any British supermarket and look at the huge selection of mouth-watering foods available for pets, not to mention the doggy chocs, cat treats, scratching posts, woollen coats, jewel-encrusted collars and all the medicines and toiletries with which to care for and pamper your pet.
The unusually privileged position of animals in the British household is exemplified by the following story:
A British woman is describing her family to a foreign visitor. "There's me. And my husband. And our two cats."
"No children?" asks the stranger.
"We did have," comes the reply, "but we had to get rid of them because the cats were allergic to them."
Expressions to learn
Walkies!
Avoid saying
It's only an animal!