Unspoken signals play an important role in everyday communication. Is there a “language” of those non-verbal signals? Understanding the meaning of such signals would contribute to more effective communication. We could understand each other better, and get through to other people more effectively.
It is true that there is a language of the body - or, to be more accurate, there are a number of bodily channels through which non-verbal communication is carried out. The face itself expresses a number of emotions. The eyes, particularly, play their part in emotional expressions. Eyes widen in amazement and in fear. They narrow in happiness as well as in pain. The lips turn up or down; widen into a smile or compress into a tight grimace. The pallor of the skin darkens in anger and blanches in terror. The other body channels convey emotions and attitudes, too. Posture, gesture, whole body movements present non-verbal signals to an observer. Touch, proximity, the loudness and softness of the voice, even small, are channels used in unspoken communication.
We learn the signals for the spoken language of our community. In the same way, we learn to “speak” and to “read” the bodily languages used in that same community. We acquire the conventions of looking, of standing, of sitting, and so on, for each particular occasion. A person’s non-verbal behaviour is as predictable as his or her spoken behaviour. By the age of six, the young child has acquired both the basics and the finer features of the unspoken behaviours of his society.
Occasionally, some individuals fail to develop the facility for unspoken communication. They are not predictable in their non-verbal behaviour and are unable to signal in the conventional manner. Neither are they able to interpret the non-verbal cues from other people. Individuals who are emotionally disturbed for long periods of time, although using the conventional signals, express them for an inappropriate length of time or at an inappropriate intensity or in the wrong situation: over-lengthy periods of grieving; laughing when other people are sad; hysterical laughter. Grief and laughter are common non-verbal expressions of emotion, but if they occur unconventionally they are clues to that person’s mental state. Mentally disturbed individuals tend to misinterpret the non-verbal behaviour of other people. A paranoiac sees specific reference to himself in the behaviour of others. He may interpret the behaviour as physically threatening and take bizarre steps to deal with the imagined threat. An innocent laugh from someone in a crowded room may be read as ridicule of himself. An exchange of glances reaffirms his delusion that “they” are spying on him.
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DIFFERENT CUSTOMS
Cultures differ one from another in the use of non-verbal communication. Differences are found in the kinds of signals used and in the meaning given to body movements, eye contact and even the distance apart between people. Comparisons can be drawn between cultures in the non-verbal expression of emotions and in greeting behaviour. A British person covers up his distress with the well-known stiff upper lip, but a Japanese person has been taught to hide his sadness beneath a contradictory smile. Touching forms a part of greeting in many societies. A Latin kisses a lady’s hand. Eskimos butt each other on the shoulders. Malayans rub noses. Yet other cultures avoid bodily contact. The Chinese bow. So do Indians, at the same time placing the hands, palms together, in front of the body.
The meaning of non-verbal signals varies with the culture. An Arab learns to stand close to another person in conversation. Amongst Americans, standing close to one another signals intimacy to the other person and to observers. The American chooses a distance that feels comfortable to him when in conversation with another. When two Arabs are in conversation with each other and when two Americans share a conversation, therefore, observers note that Arabs stand closer together than do Americans.
But if two individuals from each culture meet, a confusion of non-verbal signals follows. The American male, unused to close proximity to another man, steps backwards in an attempt to establish a comfortable distance. The Arab, feeling disconcerted by the widening chasm between himself and his conversation partner, moves forward. Both men want to stand at a normal distance from each other, but normality is set by social convention. Each person had learned a different convention for standing in conversation with other persons. To American eyes, two Arabs talking together appear conspiratorial - as signalled by their close proximity. To Arabian eyes, the standoffishness of the American is revealed all too clearly by his insistence on “keeping at a distance”.
Misinterpretations of other people’s conventions are legion. Italian youths frequently hold hands. Greeks stare at strangers. Does the English tourist see the innocent friendship expressed in holding hands? Does he feel the interest of the Greek or does he regard the looks as threats? We cannot help but observe the non-verbal customs with prejudiced eyes. We fail to pick up the meanings of another culture’s signals. We misinterpret signals and erroneously draw conclusions about the character of the people. We imply that Arabs must be “shady” and “sly” because they are always conspiring. Latin women always “lead a man on” in the way they flash their eyes. Conspiracy and romantic liaisons are no more common in these cultures than in one’s own. But the signals are used differently and are misunderstood by the visitor. In this sense it is more difficult to interact with someone from a different culture. The interaction does not “feel right”, and, consequently, both participants feel anxious and unable to cope.
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TEXT 13. TRENDS
Forecasting the future is a risky business. But that doesn’t mean we can’t say anything about the next decade. In fact one trend is almost completely predictable: population growth. The population of the UK, currently just over 57 million, is expected tokeep rising to hit 59 million in the next ten years. Most significant is how the structure of that 59 million will change. The number of 16 to 19 year – olds has been falling since the baby boom generation reached adolescence in the early 1980s, and it will stay low through the 90s and into the next century. On the other hand, the proportion of older people will grow. In the next ten years more than 45% of us will be over 50.
Some implications are clear. Fewer school leavers and workforce that is growing only slowly will have an impact on the labour market. Employers may have to lookelsewhere to fill vacancies – to women with children and older people.
At the other end of the scale, the growth in the number of elderly people means a fresh look at the idea of retirement. For the first time most of us can expect to have30 years of retirement to look forward to.
Although society will still be made up largely of conventional families, there is a growing trendfor fewer stereotypical households: more homes will consist of single adults. Then there will be households split by divorce, mixed households of second marriages, and three generations living under one roof. The average household size is predicted to fall from 2.7 people to 2.4 people in the next ten years.
Finance is one of the areas that is likely toundergo fundamental change in the next few years. If full European monetary union takes place, we could routinely be usinga ‘hard ECU’ or some other denomination of Euro-wide currency even for our spending at home.
Will we be using hard currency at all? The answer is almost certainly yes, for low-value transactions and for that small but intractable section of the population that does not have a bank account. But the cheque should be pretty much on the way out in the next ten years. According to Roger Taylor of Midland Payment Transmission Services, developers of payment card systems: “Transactions will be primarily plastic-based but people won’t carry as many cards.”
So the walletful of plastic is likely to be replaced by a single multi-function card that will act as cheque book, credit card, cash dispenser and debit card. Haven’t we got that (or almost) already? The difference is that the future version will be a ‘smart card’ with a built-in memory. It will carry as much information about you as a personal organiser – details of bank accounts, credit ratings, insurance, salary – and will be able to pass that information on to anyone you choose to do business with.
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TEXT 14. TO TELL THE TRUTH, YOU'RE A LIAR!
Nobody likes being called a liar, but the truth is we all tell lies. One expert estimates that the average person tells more than 1000 lies a year, while another claims some adults tell as many as 200 a day — or 73,000 a year.
Women lie more than men. However, women's lies fall mostly into the “white” category: reassuring a friend about her choice of outfit or covering a situation of potential embarrassment.
It comes as no surprise that politicians are the biggest liars in the world, making promises they know they can't keep. They are followed by salesmen — particularly the used-car variety — and actors seeking publicity. Even doctors sometimes lie to sick patients about their condition. Of all professional people, scientists, architects and engineers lie the least. After all, their statements can easily be checked by other experts in the same field.
But don't worry, says Dr Robert Goldstein, a professor of psychiatry who led a team of researchers to find these facts. He believes you can still be a nice person and a liar at the same time, because most of the lies told by the average person are harmless, white lies. For example, a man might tell his wife or girlfriend, “Sweetheart, you look great”, when in reality she doesn't look so good. These sorts of lies are constructive. They can cheer people up if they feel a bit low, says Dr Goldstein. One of Dr Goldstein’s colleagues Dr Gerald Jellison recently put a team of researchers onto the subject of lying. They found that adults tell about 200 a day.
“These lies are excuses, alibis, explanations and apologies we fabricate on the spot almost automatically,” says Dr Jellison. His researchers found that women tell about four white lies every 16 minutes, compared to men’s three. They also found, like Dr Goldstein, that women were better at lying; their lies were more convincing than those told by men. Women were also better at detecting lies. When a person lies, a lot of physiological changes take place. It is based on these changes that lie-detector machines, or specially adapted polygraphs, operate. An unnaturally cool customer can outwit a lie detector, but the machine will not record a lie if one has not been uttered.
Firstly, the liar’s throat contracts and the voice slightly trembles. The heart beats faster, blood pressure and perspiration rates increase and eye movements quicken. Few of us can rely on technology to detect a falsehood, but the study of body language can be almost as accurate.
If you think somebody is deceiving you, here’s what to look for:
Fidgeting: Liars often touch their faces and the backs of their necks.
Hesitation: This applies in both the physical and vocal sense. If your question stops somebody dead in their tracks, beware! It takes longer to think up a lie than to tell the truth.
Smiling: If somebody starts smiling more than usual, be on your guard. Beware also when a normal “smiler” cuts back on the smiles. Both could indicate lying.
Coughing: Together with sneezing, this is often used as a stalling technique. Both sometimes indicate that the lie is choking the person telling it.
Eyes: A person who is lying won’t look you in the eye as much as someone telling the truth, so be wary of anybody who avoids eye contact.
The shrug: Be suspicious if somebody shrugs for no apparent reason when they are telling you something. This could indicate they are trying to deceive you.
Distance: Liars sometimes back away from you, if only slightly, when they are trying to deceive you.
Voice: The pitch of the voice may be higher when somebody is lying. Some liars also repeat themselves. Disruption in the speech pattern, such as stammering or a sudden high pitch in the voice itself, also indicates lying.
Head nodding: This means the liar is betraying their own doubts and their insincerity.
You can also tell people are lying by the things they say. Liars use evasive words and phrases that often mean the opposite to what they are saying. For example, if somebody says, “It depends”, this is often a way of saying no without having to face the consequences directly.
If somebody says, “That’s interesting”, they mean just the opposite. The person to whom you are talking is actually bored with the conversation and wishes you would either stop talking or change the subject.
Here are more examples of what they actually mean:
“Let’s get together some time.” Without a specific agreement, this is an insincere invitation that shows a desire to get away, to end the conversation.
“We’ll see” — this is another way of saying no and is often used by parents.
“Don’t worry, everything will be all right” — this really means the listener is fed-up hearing about your problems but wants to appear concerned.
And there’s the classic: “I wouldn’t lie to you.”
If somebody says this to you, they certainly would lie and are probably just about to.
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TEXT 15. PANORAMAS OF PEOPLE
I. MEN
Fat, slick, round-faced men, of the sort who haunt barber shops and are always having their shoes shined. Tall, gloomy, Gothic men, with eyebrows that meet over their noses and bunches of black, curly hair in their ears. Men wearing diamond solitaires, fraternal order watchcharms, golden elks' heads with rubies for eyes. Men with thick, loose lips and shifty eyes. Men smoking pale, spotted cigars. Men who do not know what to do with their hands when they talk to women. Honorable, upright, successful men who seduce their stenographers and are kind to their dear old mothers. Men who allow their wives to dress like chorus girls. White-faced, scared-looking, yellow-eyed men who belong to societies for the suppression of vice. Men who boast that they neither drink nor smoke. Men who mop their bald heads with perfumed handkerchiefs. Men with drawn, mottled faces, in the last stages ofarterio-sclerosis. Silent, stupid-looking men in thick tweeds who tramp up and down the decks of ocean steamers. Men who peep out of hotel rooms at Swedish chambermaids. Men who go to church on Sunday morning, carrying Oxford Bibles under their arms. Men in dress coats too tight under the arms. Tea-drinking men. Loud, back-slapping men, gabbling endlessly about baseball players. Men who have never heard of Mozart. Tired business men with fat, glittering wives. Men who know what to do when children are sick. Men who believe that any woman who smokes is a prostitute. Yellow, diabetic men. Men whose veins are on the outside of their noses. Now and then a clean, clear-eyed, upstanding man. Once a week or so a man with good shoulders, straight legs and a hard, resolute mouth....
II. WOMEN
Fat women with flabby, double chins. Moon-faced, pop-eyed women in little flat hats. Women with starchy faces and thin vermilion lips. Man-shy, suspicious women, shrinking into their clothes every time a wet, caressing eye alights upon them. Women soured and robbed of their souls by Christian Endeavour. Women who would probably be members of the Lake Mohonk Conference if they were men. Grey-haired, middle-aged, waddling women, wrecked and unsexed by endless, useless parturition, nursing, worry, sacrifice. Women who look as if they were still innocent yesterday afternoon. Women in shoes that bend their insteps to preposterous semi-circles. Women with green, barbaric bangles in their ears, like the concubines of Arab horse-thieves. Women looking in show-windows, wishing that their husbands were not such poor sticks. Shapeless women lolling in six thousand dollar motorcars. Trig little blondes, stepping like Shetland ponies. Women smelling of musk, ambergris, bergamot. Long-legged, cadaverous, hungry women. Women eager to be kidnapped, betrayed, forced into marriage at the pistol’s point. Soft, pulpy, pale women. Women with ginger-coloured hair and large, irregular freckles. Silly, chattering, gurgling women. Women showing their ankles to policemen, chauffeurs, street-cleaners. Women with slim-shanked, whining, sticky-fingered children dragging after them. Women marching like grenadiers. Yellow women. Women with red hands. Women with asymmetrical eyes. Women with rococo ears. Stoop-shouldered women. Women with huge hips. Bow-legged women. Appetizing women. Good-looking women...
III. BABIES
Babies smelling of camomile tea, cologne water, wet laundry, dog soap, Schmierkase. Babies who appear old, disillusioned and tired of life at six months. Babies that cry “Papa!” to blushing youths of nineteen or twenty at church picnics. Fat babies whose earlobes turn out at an angle of forty-five degrees. Soft, pulpy babies asleep in perambulators, the sun shining straight into their faces. Babies gnawing the tails of synthetic dogs. Babies without necks. Pale, scorbutic babies of the third and fourth generation, damned because their grandfathers and great-grandfathers read Tom Paine. Babies of a bluish tinge, or with vermilion eyes. Babies full of soporifics. Thin, cartilaginous babies that stretch when they are lifted. Warm, damp, miasmatic babies. Affectionate, ingratiating, gurgling babies: the larvae of life insurance solicitors, fashionable doctors. Episcopal rectors, dealers in Mexican mine stock. Handshakers, Sunday-school superintendents. Hungry babies, absurdly sucking their thumbs. Babies with heads of thick coarse; black hair, seeming to be toupees. Unbaptized babies, dedicated to the devil. Eugenic babies. Babies that crawl out from under tables and are stepped on. Babies with lintels, grains of corn or shoe-buttons up their noses, purple in the face and waiting for the doctor or the embalmer. A few pink, blue-eyed, tight-skinned, clean-looking babies, smiling upon the world....
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TEXT 16. THE FAMILY
Most American families consist of a mother, a father, and three or four children living at home. There may be relatives—grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and in-laws in the same community, but American families usually maintain separate households. This familial structure is known as the "nuclear family". It is unusual for members of the family other than the husband, wife, and children to live together. Occasionally an aging grandparent may live with the family, but this arrangement is usually not considered desirable. Although the nuclear family unit is economically independent of the rest of the family, members of the whole family group often maintain close kinship ties. Visiting between parents and their married children and between married sisters and brothers is frequent when they live close to each other. If they live in different communities, they keep in touch by writing letters and by telephone.
Marriage in the United States is considered a matter of individual responsibility and decision. Young people frequently fall in love and marry even if their parents disapprove of their choice. Most American men marry by the time they are 25, and the husband is usually two or three years older than his wife.
Marriage is preceded by dating, that is, young men and young women going out together. Casual dating usually begins in the early teens, and by the late teens a pattern of steady dating develops. Steady dating is often followed by marriage or by a formal engagement, which is, in effect, a public statement of the intention to marry. If the engaged couple change their minds, the engagement is broken. Broken engagements are not unusual and are completely acceptable.
Although serious dating with a commitment to marriage is the familiar style of courtship in many cultures, what seems unusual to many foreign observers is the casual American dating system. Very often young Americans who hardly know each other go out on dates. For example, it is perfectly respectable for a young man to call up a young woman, introduce himself by telephone, and arrange a date. Usually they have a friend in common It is equally acceptable for friends to arrange a "blind date," that is, a date between two young people who have not met before.
After their marriage the young couple is free to decide where to live and when to start a family. They plan the number of children they are going to have and when their children will be born Birth-control information is easily available in most states, and the practice of limiting the size of families has general approval. The birth rate has been declining steadily in recent years.
If the couple finds that their marriage was a mistake, they are free to get a divorce. The divorce rate has almost doubled in the past fifty years, and current statistics indicate that one of every three marriages will end in divorce. Many people view these figures with alarm. They fear that the institution of marriage is disintegrating—falling apart. A number of sociologists, on the other hand, say that this increase in divorces does not indicate more unhappy marriages. Instead, they point to changes in the laws that have made divorce easier and to changes in attitudes that have made divorce more acceptable than it had been years ago. They also claim that since more than two-thirds of all divorced people marry again, divorce marks a temporary, rather than a permanent, break in marital relations.
In the American family the husband and wife usually share important decision making. When the children are old enough, they participate as well. Foreign observers are frequently amazed by the permissiveness of American parents. The old rule that "children should be seen and not heard" is rarely followed, and children are often allowed to do what they wish without strict parental control. The father seldom expects his children to obey him without question, and children are encouraged to be independent at an early age. Some people believe that American parents carry this freedom too far. Young people are expected to break away from their parental families by the time they have reached their late teens or early twenties. Indeed, not to do so is often regarded as a failure, a kind of weak dependence.
This pattern of independence often results in serious problems for the aging parents of a nuclear family. The job-retirement age is usually 65. The children have left home, married, and set up their own households. Elderly couples feel useless and lonely with neither an occupation nor a close family group. Many communities and church groups sponsor social centers for "senior citizens". At these centers older men and women can make friends and participate in a variety of planned activities, including games, trips, lectures, and discussion groups. These programs may help some old people, but they do not provide the complete solution to the problems of old age.
Another subject that has been receiving considerable attention recently involves the position of women in the United States. Supporters of the women's liberation movement want women to achieve equality with men. Their major concerns are economic and social. They want to improve job opportunities for women, and they believe that women and men should receive the same rate of pay for the same kind of work. They also support the establishment of government-financed centers that would provide daytime care for the children of working parents. Many members of the women's liberation movement also believe that equality of men and women requires changing the traditional roles of women and men in the home. They say that men should take on some of the responsibilities of child care and household work. In other words, they believe that men should perform some of the home-making duties that women have traditionally performed. Although there is disagreement on how influential this movement may become, there is general agreement that the basic structure of the American family will continue for a long time.
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TEXT 17. "THROWAWAY MARRIAGES" - THREAT TO
THE AMERICAN FAMILY