If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted ’cause the index doesn’t hash,
Then your situation’s hopeless and your system’s gonna crash!
If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side effect of Gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
’Cause as sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy’s getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk,
Then you have to flash your memory and you’ll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom.
А ЕСЛИ БЫДОКТОР СУЭЗ НАПИСАЛ ИНСТРУКЦИЮ?
Если вдруг пакет программный вас решится обобрать,
И от прерываний шина станет вдруг озорничать,
Если память с дисководом станут люто воевать,
Вам ни денег, ни железа, ни покоя не видать.
Если вдруг в меню стандартном ваш курсор начнёт шалить,
И двойной щелчок иконку сразу может удалить,
И мозги у базы данных перестанут вдруг варить,
Это значит, всё пропало, безвозвратно, может быть.
Если надпись на коробке может дельный дать совет,
И мышиный коврик даже подключиться в Internet,
А несносные программы вам откажут делово,
Видите ли, протокол им не подходит. Каково?
Если вид у монитора как в разбитые очки,
И по плоскости экрана расплываются значки,
Выключайте свой компьютер и идите погулять.
Я уверен, он не станет ладить с вами. Его…!
Если от резервных копий прохудится гибкий диск,
И ассемблерные вставки повышают резко риск,
Лучше вы сотрите память, отпаяйте ПЗУ –
Бесполезное железо вам, конечно, ни к чему.
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HOW MODERN ARE YOU?
(pop quiz)
1) If you were able to have any car you wanted, what would you buy?
a) I’d buy a restored vintage car that might become a collector’s item.
b) I’d buy a newly built car with all the latest technology.
c) I wouldn’t buy a car because I don’t like them.
2) What is your attitude to new scientific developments?
a ) They are brilliant. They help to make the world a much happier and better place.
b) We know enough about science now. We should stop interfering with nature.
c) Some things are good. Some things are bad.
3) How do you speak?
a) I use a lot of new words, slang and catch phrases from the television and magazines.
b) I use exactly the same words and phrases as my parents.
c) I use a few new words because they are useful for what I want to say.
4) Which of the following do you think is the most enjoyable?
a) Playing virtual reality computer games.
b) Going to a disco club that plays music from the 60s and 70s.
c) Listening to techno music.
5) Which of the following would be your preferred way of finding out information?
a) I like looking up in a book.
b) Surfing the Internet or using a CD-ROM is the best way.
c) Watching a video is best.
6) You go to a friend’s house. His mother works, earning a lot of money, and his father stays at home, cooks and cleans. What is your reaction?
a) Nothing. It doesn’t matter who works and who cleans. It is the 21st century.
b) A bit surprised. It seems a bit strange because it is unusual.
c) The poor man. Cooking and cleaning is a woman’s job.
7) Which of the following types of books or films do you prefer?
a) Historical ones
b) Anything romantic
c) Contemporary ones about modern day things.
8) If your computer were six years old and worked perfectly well, which of the following would you do?
a) I’d buy a brand new one so I could have new technology.
b) I wouldn’t do anything. I’d be happy with it. New technology is just gimmicks.
c) I’d secretly hope it would break, despite the fact that I didn’t need a new computer.
ADD UP YOUR SCORE AND READ THE ANALYSIS
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THE ANALYSIS
8 – 11: You are not modern at all and you don’t want to be. You are suspicious of new things and don’t make an effort to find out about them. You would prefer to live in the past. It is nice that you can appreciate the simple things in life but you must be careful not to get left behind. You are too traditional.
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12 – 16: You are not very modern but you are not completely old-fashioned either. You like to live in a world that has the good things from the past and some of the good things from the present too.
17 – 20: You are modern. You know a lot about what is happening around you and obviously enjoy progress. On the other hand, you are sensible and don’t worry about buying and doing all the latest things just because they are fashionable.
21 – 24: Yes. You are very modern. Being up-to-date is very important to you. Sometimes perhaps it is too important. Remember that new things are not always the best things. Be careful not to become obsessed with every new thing that comes along. Some things are just clever marketing crazes that will complicate your life.
SUPPLEMENTARY TEXTS