He didn't accept my apology and was visibly angry - expressing that he saw no valid justification for issuing any such GBC directives or following them. At the time, and even for some years later, I was somewhat shocked by the ferocity of his response. I had explained my own quandary. What did he expect me to do? Disregard my own spiritual master's instructions to do as I was bid by my immediate authorities? However, now that I am aware of the locked room incident and the alleged nasty characterisation of the footbathing incident, I am able to better appreciate the intensity of Maharaja's response (particularly if he thought that such events were directed by me or the GBC).
I bear no ill will towards members of Narayana Maharaja's sanga. I do not recall any time where I behaved in any kind of condemnatory way. I have always spoken with great care and attention whenever I have spoken about Maharaja - for instance, in retelling my recollections of these events. As mentioned before, I have numerous friends and at least one close family member (Devaki Priya, my aunt) who are followers of Maharaja. I have conducted house programs and harinamas in conjunction with Maharaja's disciples. I long for a day when all branches of the Caitanya tree can put aside their differences, forgive and forget and join forces in the prosecution of Mahaprabhu's mission. I have actively challenged and overturned discriminatory action against Maharaja's followers - for instance, when, in my absence, Bhaktivedanta Manor's temple council issued some kind of ban letter to all of Maharaja's followers amongst others.
I sincerely apologise for any offense or hurt that my conduct or those who reported to me at Bhaktivedanta Manor may have caused anyone. At no time was there any intention to cause offense. I have vague - but nonetheless fond - recollections of past times with Krsna Vallabha (Krishna Rose) and others.
In particular, whether or not you are satisfied by my account, explanations or apology, I would request that you refrain from attacking my spiritual master in the same way that I have refrained from attacking Narayana Maharaja. Not that I am accusing anyone of doing so. I am just acutely aware that, nowadays, criticisms of others' gurus are often offered casually even in the presence of the disciples. Such conduct is abhorrent however someone may seek to justify it.
Thank you for hearing me.
Your servant
Damodara dasa
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Lalit Kishore Lauren Sinclair It's also great that Krishna Vallabha has made a nice reconciliation with Damodar. Nice one 
:)
Нравится · Ответить · 7 · 9 сентября 2016 г. в 8:46
Krishna Rose We are old friends from Soho Street temple, I always had so much affection for Damodara Dasa, he was so soft and sweet natured, and always so inspired and helpful to all the devotees. So when these things happened in 1996, and I was witness to it, it was so utterly devastating to see. Gurudeva was sad, he was definitely hurt by the behavior. He had such a soft heart, my Gurudeva, so even though he is a pure devotee, his emotions are still so real. I am praying to Gurudeva today on the Birth Day celebration of Srimati Radhika, that Srila Gurudeva sprinkle some mercy on Damodara Dasa's heart and head, to fully forgive any offense he made under the pressure of the GBC at that time, Jesus said "repent!", so when we realize our wrong and beg forgiveness, we are forgiven.... this is the great thing about Damodara's letter to me, I am so pleased by his mood.
Нравится · Ответить · 2 · 10 сентября 2016 г. в 1:19
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Madalene Rhyand KV tells her truth. And gurudeva was very hard on her at times, I saw the tears, but she needed him to be hard on her, she is so much more for it.
Нравится · Ответить · 3 · 9 сентября 2016 г. в 16:25
Krishna Rose Thank you - so true! Thank goodness Gurudeva was heavy with me, because I am changed by it forever.
Нравится · Ответить · 1 · 10 сентября 2016 г. в 1:14
Lalit Kishore Lauren Sinclair Thanks Damodar prabhu, well said. I hope this is a step towards reconciliation. Yes there have been offenses made against Srila Gurudeva, but it should also be remembered that it's not always as black and white as it may seem. Let he who has not never...Еще
Нравится · Ответить · 1 · 9 сентября 2016 г. в 17:30 · Отредактирован
Haripriya Dasi I agree, totally true. Glad you bought it to his attention
Нравится · Ответить · 1 · 9 сентября 2016 г. в 22:10
Haripriya Dasi That is a wonderful response thank you for sharing it.
Нравится · Ответить · 3 · 9 сентября 2016 г. в 22:06
Bhakti Yoga Radha Kanti it seems in the footage that the devotee is asking Gurudeva to go upstairs before the arati!! Repeatedly he tell this to Gurudeva, but I think Gurudeva said: "No, first I will see the deities."
Нравится · Ответить · 1 · 11 сентября 2016 г. в 8:14
Krishna Rose First they locked us in a room, to try and block us from entering the Temple Room during Guru-puja.
Нравится · Ответить · 17 сентября 2016 г. в 22:39
Krishna Rose
7 сентября 2016 г. ·
Gurudeva memories: One early morning when Gurudeva was in Maui, Hawaii, I went to his room to tidy up, put fresh flowers and bring a very beautiful original painting of Lord Krishna, to put on his wall. I was so excited to deliver this painting to Gurudeva's room chamber, for him to enjoy. When I came to his room, Gurudeva had left for his morning walk. The sun was only just now rising, and the atmosphere was thick with mood and rasa. I cannot really describe the feeling I had walking into his private room at this time of the morning, Gurudeva had completed his early morning bhajan (chanting and remembering) he had lit some ghee lamps in front of pictures of Seva Kunja and the lamps were still burning, incense still wafted in the air in swirls, there was a special energy in the room that I can only describe as saffron particles, like a soft fuzzy dust that is SOOOO sweet, that is not from this world, I could feel the energy of the Kingdom of God (Vrindavan), it was palpable, my heart was utterly melted from this experience. I hung the painting, tidied up the room a little bit, gave fresh water for the flowers, and when I came out of his room, Gurudeva was back from his walk, and sitting on a long sofa with Brajanath Das and Sripad Madhav Maharaj leaning over him, taking his blood pressure. Gurudeva had his eyes closed, he looked like he was in ecstasy, I had never seen this side of Gurudeva before, it was very personal... like what goes on behind closed doors. Gurudeva opened his eyes suddenly as I walked quietly past, and he said sweetly "oh, what have you been doing?" "Gurudeva I brought you a painting and hung it on the wall, it is a beautiful painting of Krishna", I said excitedly. I had worked for 1 month hard to get this original painting from the artist, for Gurudeva to enjoy, so I was super excited to share it with him. He looked at the painting, and looked at me pitifully and said "this is not so beautiful, Krishna is SOOOO much more beautiful than you can ever imagine!" his face beaming sweetly at me. Then he sat me down in front of him, he was sitting on the sofa, I was on the floor in front of him. He said to me "what is the difficulty you have been having with +++++++ (a Guru in Hawaii at that time)". I had not told him about any problem, so I was surprised that he knew there was any issue there. "Gurudeva, this Guru phoned me up, and was shouting at me "don't come around my garden picking my flowers", after I had inspired a couple of devotees in Maui take initiation from you, rather than from him. He yelled at me, and his disciples called me and said I will go to hell forever. At this time I was a 7 months pregnant with our first lovely daughter Nayana Wing, who was sitting inside my belly, so all this offensive behavior was very upsetting to me. Gurudeva said sweetly "yes, you should know, he is a like a Brahmin Priest, a Pujari, be respectful, don't make any offense, but now you know". Then I said, "Gurudeva, he told me that I have to bow to him in the temple room when I come and see him, and I don't feel comfortable bowing to him, like he is a Guru or something, in front of the Deity". "No harm" he said, blessing me with his hand over my head, "you have done no wrong. The flowers in his garden belong to Krishna, not him. (Meaning the devotee's of Maui) Anyone can pick. You should know that an Kanistha Adhikari has this mood of controlling his disciples, feeling "these disciples are mine, they should not go and hear from Narayana Maharaj", by this we can see their Adhikar" (position)". It was a very sweet and moving exchange between us, and I felt relieved to my core that I had not done anything wrong. Then Gurudeva said "you should make sweet rice every day and offer it to Thakurji, and eat this sweet rice every day, your baby wants it". :)
CA Atul Maheshwari You are very very lucky that u could spend so much time with Gurudev...I also miss him a lot but u are really a Blessed soul..Krishna has allowed u to b so near to his eternal Bhakt -our gurudeva... Gurudev will definitely take u to golok vrindavan very soon and will bless u with the service of Srimati Radha Rani and Krishna under his guidance...Hari Bol
Нравится · Ответить · 2 · 7 сентября 2016 г. в 17:42
Krishna Rose Thank you for your blessing, we are all on Gurudeva's boat now, and we are all going home to Goloka Vraj with him "I am your captain" he would say to me!
Нравится · Ответить · 3 · 7 сентября 2016 г. в 18:26
Paramatma Das Thank you for sharing this memory and others of Gurudeva Krsna Vallabha didi. I remember the time i spent in Maui with Gurudeva and they had a program just next to the condo in Maui where i spent every summer as teenager in Maui. Gurudeva asked me there also about me taking sannyasa and I politely declined as i told him my heart is not saffron colored but white. I don't know if my heart is white either but I don't feel not qualified to take a vow like as it is a very serious vow. One who has taken that vow is strictly prohibited having no association with the opposite sex including an innocent hug to your sisters or talking more than necessary with the ladies.
Нравится · Ответить · 2 · 8 сентября 2016 г. в 6:56 · Отредактирован
Haripriya Dasi Wow he even knew what your baby wanted.
Нравится · Ответить · 5 · 8 сентября 2016 г. в 7:43
Krishna Rose I know - he told me "you are starving your baby" because I was eating only raw foods LOL!
Нравится · Ответить · 2 · 8 сентября 2016 г. в 14:08
Haripriya Dasi So......you offered sweet rice every day then.
Нравится · Ответить · 8 сентября 2016 г. в 20:44
Haripriya Dasi Wow he even knew what your baby wanted.
Нравится · Ответить · 5 · 8 сентября 2016 г. в 7:43
Krishna Rose I know - he told me "you are starving your baby" because I was eating only raw foods LOL!
Нравится · Ответить · 2 · 8 сентября 2016 г. в 14:08
Haripriya Dasi So......you offered sweet rice every day then.
Нравится · Ответить · 8 сентября 2016 г. в 20:44
Krishna Rose
7 сентября 2016 г. ·
Gurudeva memories: Back in the early days, many of Gurudeva's disciples were reading the books of Ananta Das Babaji of Vrindavan, and some were going there also to hear his classes. Some have presumed that because Gurudeva himself would use Ananta Das Babaji's translations of Vilap Kushmanjali and other books of nectar, that this automatically means we are all able to go there to get some association and inspiration. However, Gurudeva spoke very clearly on this subject matter, comparing it to Lord Siva drinking poison. Can we digest what Gurudeva can digest? No! Uma Didi spoke about this with me when she came here, and she said "What Gurudeva can digest, you cannot, there is some poison there, it is subtle, but it is there. If they are getting reinitiated into this Babaji line they are making an offense to their Gurudeva". If there is any chance that we are making an offense to our Gurudeva, then it is not worth the trouble, for ultimately what seems like a 'short cut' will be to our detriment in the long run. Gurudeva has given us what we need to advance, Siddha-pranali is inside our mantra's, if we chant sincerely, then all will be revealed, Gurudeva said this over and over again, I heard him so many times. It seems to me that at this time, some of Gurudeva's disciples are wanting to go to Radha Kund to take shelter there - I am very scared for them, because they believe they are speeding up their process of going back home by going there to hear and receive Diksha and Siddha-Pranali from this person, however I was recently sent a letter from a Godsister, it is a letter from Gurudeva explaining this situation, I pray that it settles any dust that has arisen from this debate on whether or not to go:
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The most unqualified and ignorant people, even from Gaudiyas, go to Ananta das Babaji Maharaja in Radha-Kunda. They at once take this so-called gopi-bhava and think that everything will be accomplished by this. But they do not know that 99% of all the people at Radha-Kunda have loose character. Therefore, we should be very careful about this matter.
I know that Ananta dasa Babaji tells that Mayapura is not the real Mayapura. He says that Pracina Navadvipa is on the western side of the Ganges; he says that is the real Mayapura. So you can understand what type of person he is. There are so many things to say about him. I know that his intelligence is misguided. Even though he cannot understand whether Mayapura is here or there, he makes propaganda against Gaudiya Vaisnavas, like Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakura and others. He is hankering for so many disciples and he preaches against Gaudiya Vaisnavism. If any ISKCON member goes to him, he will say, “Oh, come on come on, I will give you babaji vesa.” And if you go, he will give you babaji vesa. [With affectionate sarcasm] Do you want? I will recommend you. If your Prabhupada were here, he would have fully…what is the word? Condemned him. And then he would have done his sraddha ceremony. Do you know the meaning of Sradha ceremony? Ah, yes. Your Prabhupada would surely have done this. What more can I say?
~ BV Srila Bhaktivedanta Narayana Gosvami Maharaja
Krishna Rose
6 сентября 2016 г. ·
Gurudeva memories: How I came to Gurudeva. For years I was part of the iSKCON Soho Street temple in London, living there for some time was a fantastic time in my life, and afforded me the safety and security I needed at that time in my life, as well as the overwhelming love I had for the Deities there! :) Every morning during Guru Puja I would stand in front of Srila Prabhupada with tears in my eyes and beg him "please don't cheat me, I want a Guru like you". Every day I cried to Prabhupada like this sincerely yearning for Guru. Every time a Guru came through the ISKCON temple, I would raise up my hopes that "today is my day to meet my Guru" I would be so excited. But I never met any one who felt like Prabhupada. I was aspiring for some time to Mukunda Maharaja, we were 'friends' through the music connections we had, for years I begged him for initiation, but he refused telling me "follow the four regulative principals, chant 16 rounds a day and listen to my classes" which seemed to go on for an eternity. I was frustrated and alone and I wanted and needed shelter and inspiration from my Guru! So in 1995 I went to Vrindavan, India, and went there to look for my Guru. I walked by foot around the temples and spent time talking with many Vrajabasi's (people who live in Vrindavan), and then after some time I started being attacked by ghosts and GOULS at night while I tried to sleep, I was terrified! I went and sat in front of Srila Prabhupada's Samadhi there at the Krishna Balaram Mandir, and cried to him "oh Srila Prabhupada, I have prayed to you for years for a Guru, and no one will give me shelter. I am so alone in this world, I have no one I can rely on for safety or shelter, I am so afraid, and I want Krishna, please save me, help me!"... I pleaded. Then out of no where I hear my name being called by a friend of mine "come quickly, Narayana Maharaja has just arrived in Mathura, come and meet him". I turned around and saw one of my best friends Sridam Sakha there, with a large rickshaw ready, I rounded up my friends quickly and we went to Mathura to see Gurudeva for the first time. I had written letters to Gurudeva, since 1993, and we had corresponded back and forth very sweetly, but I had never met him. The first experience I had was arriving at his temple in Mathura. As my feet crossed the threshold of the temple, I could feel an energy, a very SWEET energy that I could not describe in words, my stomach excited started leaping, my heart beating fast, and I walked up the stairs quickly, to find Gurudeva standing there in the middle of the court yard. "Who are you, and where have you come from?" he said very sweetly. I said "Gurudeva, I am Anita, from England". "I have been waiting sooooo long for you, where have you been?" he said in the sweetest voice ever! I fell at his feet and wept and knew i had 'come home'. He immediately arranged for me to have a room to stay in, and told me "I want you to stay with me a while, you should test me, and see if I am qualified to be your Guru. You can get more shelter from ISKCON because they have so many temples and devotees, so you should test me". I knew in my heart immediately that this was the moment I had waited for. I felt this was a Pure Devotee, not like any other I had ever met before. There was just an energy and power that I could touch with my consciousness, that was so attractive and sweet, like bathing in the purest sweetest holy water. I begged Gurudeva for initiation within a few days, knowing that it was all I would ever want - to be his disciple. He told me "go to the River Yamuna, leave all your dirty things there, and return to me". So the next morning Vrindavan Vilasini and I walked to the Yamuna and I left my old prayer beads and photo's of old guru's I had worshipped in the water, and returned to the temple it was 5am. Gurudeva was there waiting for me "now you are ready" he said. He gave me initiation, he gave me hope, he gave me a life worth living. He became the center of my universe, and so the story goes....... thank you Srila Prabhupada for sending me a true Guru, you did not cheat me - and I am so grateful eternally for you sending your friend to save me - thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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Lalita Sakhi That one really made my heart melt! How many were initiated with you? Or were you initiated alone? How long were you in Vraj before you met Srila Gurudeva? And how is it that you wrote to him before you went to India?
Нравится · Ответить · 3 · 6 сентября 2016 г. в 14:53
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Krishna Rose I was told by a Punk Rock star in London about Gurudeva, she also later became his disciple - so I wrote him a letter, the same letter was also written to 5 ISKCON Guru's... my reply from all ISKCON Guru's was generic "chant 16 rounds a day, follow 4 regulative principals and listen to my classes", Gurudeva's letter arrived, handwritten, on a little blue paper letter "I can see from your beautiful poetry that you are very fragrant flower, I want to pick you, and offer you to the lotus feet of Srimati Radhika". This is the shining difference. One can take to the highest goal, the other cannot.
Нравится · Ответить · 23 · 6 сентября 2016 г. в 18:01
Krishna Rose I was in Vrindavan for 1 month, I had travelled around holy places of India with a friend for 2 months prior, and then I came to Vraj looking for shelter. I was initiated with one other girl, a young Indian girl, in Gurudeva's room, just the 2 of us, and Vrindavan Vilasini was my 'witness'. Then he gave Diksha to Bv Damodara and we had our fire yajna together, he also then took Brahmachari vows at this time.
Не нравится · Ответить · 9 · 6 сентября 2016 г. в 18:02
Kasturi Manjari Dasi are you telling us a true story, Krishna Rose? haha 
:D it's mind blowing! Thank you so much for sharing 
<3
Нравится · Ответить · 1 · 6 сентября 2016 г. в 18:54
Krishna Rose Kasturi Manjari Dasi Yes all these stories are true.... :)
Нравится · Ответить · 2 · 6 сентября 2016 г. в 19:05
Kasturi Manjari Dasi i feel so grateful for all these gems! You're making happy so many devotees :)
Нравится · Ответить · 4 · 6 сентября 2016 г. в 19:18
Francis Kress Krishna Rose was the Punk Rock star Tungavidya dasi??
Нравится · Ответить · 6 сентября 2016 г. в 22:26
Krishna Rose Francis Kress Her name was Poly Styrene - I'm not sure what her name was after initiation from Gurudeva.
Нравится · Ответить · 2 · 7 сентября 2016 г. в 1:56
Isha Thakurani Francis Kress was Tungavidia Didi a star?
Нравится · Ответить · 7 сентября 2016 г. в 2:28 · Отредактирован
Krishna Rose Her devotee name was Maharani - but then she was initiated by Gurudeva, she was a famous punk star in the late 70's/80's in London.
Нравится · Ответить · 2 · 7 сентября 2016 г. в 3:20
Isha Thakurani Wow. Gurudev initiated more rock star! in one festival in Italy one time there was Chrissie Hynde from Pretenders...I made a video and I knew this only after when I come back and watch it at home 
😊 she song some Hare Krishna before the Gurudeva's class.
Нравится · Ответить · 1 · 7 сентября 2016 г. в 9:54 · Отредактирован
Isha Thakurani the kula shekar too...
Нравится · Ответить · 7 сентября 2016 г. в 11:11
Francis Kress Kula Shekar was here in New Braja for the festival in June and he sang beautiful devotional songs and played his Guitar
Нравится · Ответить · 1 · 7 сентября 2016 г. в 21:06
Isha Thakurani yes! I saw him and family in many Gurudev's festivals in Italy and Europe
Нравится · Ответить · 1 · 7 сентября 2016 г. в 21:31
Anjali Dasi Wow! You've no idea how many similarities that has to my story 
:'(
Except I may not remember some of those sweet details like you and I didn't get much close association. I'll write it sometime soon and share it with you.
Amazing you were writing to him before you came. Beautiful how he welcomed you and also amazing how you had to leave everything in Yamuna devi. Wow!
Нравится · Ответить · 7 · 6 сентября 2016 г. в 15:32
Kasturi Manjari Dasi Anjali didi, please write it to all of us, please?
Нравится · Ответить · 2 · 6 сентября 2016 г. в 15:42 · Отредактирован
Anjali Dasi I've written it a few times privately. I wonder if I have it in a Facebook note that I never shared. I know I have a story about Srila Gurudeva being given samadhi in those notes I never shared.
I will write it again but I'm a bit self conscious about sharing with every every body. Just a few is ok :)
Нравится · Ответить · 3 · 6 сентября 2016 г. в 15:42
Lalita Sakhi Yes, please Anjali!
Нравится · Ответить · 1 · 6 сентября 2016 г. в 15:42
Anjali Dasi See my comment above yours Lalita Sakhi :)
Нравится · Ответить · 1 · 6 сентября 2016 г. в 15:42
Anjali Dasi Anyway, we're all going to write our 'how I came to Gurudeva' and make a book, right? Or a Facebook page :)